The authenticity of love

Hello 2013.

It's been a while, but here's a thought.

This year I wish to challenge myself into what it really means to understand, not the soppy kind of romantic love that we always just think of when we see hearts or look ahead to that day we call VALENTINES ;)

No. I mean, our love in the true authentic meaning of it. Loving ourselves, loving life, loving God, having love for people, our friends, partners, family, the poor, loving our hobbies or our pets, I guess what I mean is underatnduing the in's and out's of our hearts and what is meant by "Being in love with LOVE". It needs to be more than a word or a song lyric or a feeling or passing emotion, it needs to be a state of being, a movement, a lifestyle.

I've recently decided to do some theologial reserch on the term LOVE. I think to some people the word is overused and perhaps even lossed it's meaning. To others, maybe its misundertood or even used against each other. To many it is a complex thing term that they don't know what to do with. But to those who get to feel it, experience it, a zeal for love in life it becomes quite simple...

1 Corinthians 13:3-13

³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

peace x

Smells like Summer... the dawn of a new year!

So it's been a while since I blogged, 3 months to be exact, I dont know why I just lost some inspriation and before I knew it... bam, the year was almost gone.

So as 2012 is coming to a close I look back at this year, wow. So much has changed, so many people have left my sphere of life, so many new people have entered it. It has been a year of challenge and change but through it all I still find contentment and joy.

This year I faced the most hectic challenges of facing full time honours and my first job. A wirl wind it has been, and haha sad to say I's not quite finished with my research work just yet. One thing I've learnt about my personality is that I just love procratination, that will never change.

Work life. Well I adjusted quickly, well as quiclkly as I could. My last day tomorrow then I go on holiday, so stoked. I must say, I can't imagine how to live without a pay cheque anymore ;) So 2013, I'll be back in my little storeroom office in 2013, but with a big loss, my fellow partner in crime is leaving for Germany. Sad times, I can honestly say without her, life at work would have not been the same. So here's to all the good laughs, memories, photos, food shoving and funny stories with her ;)

Family, well our added member is all grown up and running around now. Tyler, he will soon be a little heart breaker, but a handsome one at that! I'm hoping to see him more now that I am on holiday. As for my parents, well looks like we moving house again, in the new year and as for my bro, well looks like he's finally going to be moving on to the bigger things in life to Jozi!

Friends, wow. Talk about a rollercoaster. Through all the ups and downs though, I can say I cherish the ones around me. For those who have left and those who have just become a part of my heart. One huge lesson learnt this year wa sthat people change and we have to let them. So be it if their time in your life was for a season, sometimes the best thing to do is to let go and start a new adventure.

Life is full of possibilites, I am so keen for summer and good holiday memories. As for 2013. Bring it on, I'm ready for my second year of work. Ampted on another fresh year with our youth minisrty, God is doing amazing things in our teens lives and in turn changing our lives too!

This might or might be my last post for the year, if it is... well happy summer world!

peace x x

A fresh perspective on Faith and Actively waiting

You ever in a situation where things are just not working out and it sucks? And then someone say’s “just wait on God’s timing”…and you seem to wait and wait and wait and you get over the cliché words. Things are out of your control and you end up losing the thing you wanted to keep so dear to you.

So the context.

You know something so well, it’s a habit, could be your job or a person you like or a dream that you’ve always held onto or perhaps a stagnant friendship. But as you grow up and you change, seasons change, it seems like those ‘things’ you were hanging onto seem to be slipping away.

In that time it is tough to be in that situation, it feels like things are being ripped from you and you will never get it back again. But some small quiet voice in the back of your mind is saying “Don’t worry, BE STILL, WAIT”.

So you say to yourself, I’ll never find a better job, or I’m never going to find someone better than him or could I have done something different? Am I passing up these opportunities?

An awesome quote I heard the other day was this “FAITH has to post signs on it… SLOW DOWN and WAIT HERE”

I have no doubt in my mind now how true that saying is…waiting is for a reason and the BEST is yet to come. A while back I thought I couldn’t possibly find better than what I had at that time. But rip them away…and change a few things up in life. Suddenly everything has changed and I think to myself. What was I thinking before? That was only a glimpse of what I could have in life, a glimpse of what I could do with life.

Since that time, I have developed a serious love of self- time and just dwelling on life and future dreams. Keep dreaming big, they always say. And that is what I will do. Sometimes the good is taken away from you to prepare you for something even greater.

I can feel the dawning of an exciting new chapter, when it will begin? I don’t exactly know but the butterflies I get from just knowing that it will be better than the last makes me smile and gives me hope. Until then I will wait, actively not passively. Waiting is never forever, it is temporary.

Much love xxx

Quality over Quantity

I pose the question?

Wouldn't you rather have 10 good friends than 30 or 40 average friendships that seem more like aqaintances than anything else.

Getting older, I realized seasons change, people change and so do our friendships, I love fellowship and I love my friends but I firmly believe now more than ever that a "friend" is not classified as a friend if you ...

1. Only see them at one of your other friends birthday parties and say hello or goodbye.

2. Never get asked how you are or never receive any sort of trace via text message, house visit, heck even facebook or twitter ..a trace of friendship that is.

3. They only come to your events when thee is free food or all their close friends are coming.

4. If you wouldn't hang out one on one with them (and now obviously im not talking about say if one of your girlfrieds has a boyfriend and you think you and the guy should hang out in order to be friends, NO, usually its rather creepy to be hanging out with your friends boyfriend alone, unless you are his sister or cousin, I'm sure the girlfriend would agree.)

5. I guess the biggest test would be if you and a friend can still keep in touch if circumstances change and one or both now live in different cities or countries.

Friendships are maintenance, but a good maintenance, they need effort, from both sides. They are not single roads, they are two way streets!

Funny random story for the day: so a guy at uni today, who I have known for at least 4 years and even have on facebook and actually had coffee with a group of people many a time. Well he walked up to me and said "hi are you Amber?" so I looked at him and laughed saying back, "Are you kidding?"

So the man says "No really are you not Amber (insert confused and serious look on his face)?",

So I said in a polite manner "No I am not and well ive know you very years, so you should know what my name is."

The man walked along saying "So worry, well then what is your name, Lauren perhaps ey?" the end.

You see ladies and gents...THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF PURE CONFUSION, and no I wouldn't considor us friends. haha.

Till next time xxx

I now pronounce you "friendzoned". "Hi five my sibling".

I found myself having some good laughs and debates about the topic of “the friendzone” the other night and so after doing some research decided it was time for a bit of a blog post.

It seems like a pretty black and white thing right, “hey we are friends” …but NO. Sometimes you just have that ‘one’ friend who may mean something more to you but he or she thinks of you as one of their limbs or a brother/sister. Like any disease the Friendzone epidemic hits like no other, quiet, subtle and one-sided and slowly builds up until it takes over, like a bad habitual rash.

Okay so here we have a guy and a girl. They seem like really good friends right, but who likes who? Do they both like each other? Or wait, is the one poor soul just waiting on the other to finally notice that he or she is more than their “bestie”.

I think there are definitely the exceptional friendships where a single guy and girl can be “just friends” over a long period of time, but that’s different. I think in that case both parties just know that there is nothing more than sibling love ;).

Okay so I’ve borrowed a few ideas from numerous articles as well as compiled some of these signs from other friends, both males and females. What I’ve come up with here is a list of telling signs, I’d say if a persona experiences a few of these then well, shame for you. YOU ARE IN THE FRIENDZONE my dear…

So take them or leave them, believe or not. But be warned, be shocked and even take this as advice for future reference haha ;)

You are in the friend zone if…. (I’m just going to say it from a girl’s perspective but it goes for both males and females)

·         They say “you are like a sister to me”

·         They constantly just forget that you are female and call you dude, bro, my man, bra… ALL THE TIME (and okay yes, sometimes this does happen to friends that have this type of chilled friendship, but take it as a hint, If they call you BRO…chances are that man does not think of you as “FUTURE POTENTIAL”

·         He asks you about other girls or …your friends.

·         Forgets about you over long periods of time but then decides to be your best friend when he is bored

·         He just seems way to comfortable (If a guy likes you, surely the initial stages should have a bit of excitement and nerves, certainly not the comfort level of me and my granny)

·         Treats you like you are his mother

·         Asks for relationship advice

·         Excessive texts with lots of  information about himself and what he did in his day

·         Excessive self-disclosure (okay yes ‘getting to know’ each other is good, if you only met and becoming friends or when there is intention from both sides of possibly dating, but sharing your deepest emotions, family dramas or self-challenges with your ‘male’ buddy? ! RED flag, you might be getting the ‘friendzone’ card.)

·         He is willing to bake with you and is not gay

·         Wants you to hang out with his family but introduces you as one of his ‘dearest friends’

·         Only seems to be available when he need something (oh hello “friend-of-convenience-zone”)

·         If the guy says anything to the effect of “we have such a special friendship” or “I’m blessed with you as my close friend”, “You are my best friend”, “we are great buds”…FRIENDZONE

·         He buys you cards, frames, key- rings or magnets with the words “ friends forever on it, or best friends” (… friends forever and always you WILL EVER BE)

·         You can hang out alone, and he never tries a thing (relax, I don’t mean in the dodgy sense, I mean even just like simple flirting, throwing out compliments or trying to get on to the topic of relationships) If you and your bestie can hang out alone come day or night, you are in the friendzone.

·         He only wants to see you in the daytime

·         He feels the urge to fist pump or high five you. (Seriously, if a guy is fist bumping, and high fiving a girl, she might as well be his brother or fishing buddy)

·         If he uses any of the following in text messages

o   Hey buddy, bud, budlet, dude, dudet, mate

o   Hello my sister in Christ

o   Be blessed

o   Take care

o   All the best

o   Bless your soul

o   Hey my sister bud friend

o   Yo bro

o   Yo my man

o   Yo champ

o   Etc…. any of these, you guessed right, you are in the FRIENDZONE.

Now this goes without saying, sometimes it may be that both parties want to be in the friendzone, it is safe, easy, uncomplicated and it may even work for a while. If it works for both, great, go besties go, I wish you all the best with that friendship!! But if it is not working, get out and RUN.

Till next time xxx

10 things a girl can’t live without

(well this girl at least)...

1.       Eye liner. The difference between looking dead or alive

2.       Lip-ice. No-one likes chapped lips, and everyone wants to borrow yours if they don’t have anyway.

3.       A bottle of water. Keeping hydrated is the way forward.

4.       Girlfriends on speed dial, or at least bbm or whatsapp ...so you can share your latest news or if you need to vent at 12am

5.       A dose of retail therapy. Shopaholics unite with smiles and joy.

6.       Ghd. Straightener, you have saved me from many bad hair days.

7.       Gum boots. So we can walk through puddles like a BOSS

8.       A phone. Always the safe thing to stay connected ;)haha

9.       Some spare change. Never know when you just need a mc flurry or a cuppa coffee to make your day happy

10.   Tissues. There is always a need to carry tissues with you, there just is. And no not just to cry or sneeze.

xxx

A thought on CHANGE "We live and we learn"

So im busy reading an amazing book at the moment by Martin Smith. Wow a man of much wisdom.

He talks alot about CHANGE.

"Not in his goals but in his transitions man is great." - Ralph  W. Emerson

Smith reckons that CHANGE is the nature of contemorary life and that it is these 'transitional phases' that man goes through that proves his identity and charachter. good word.

We often meet people who say "yes i love change" or on the contrary we get others that say "I hate change, I love routine and order".

Truth be told, change is inevitable. Seasons come and go, and as people we CHANGE, and things change, are friendship groups change, our circumstances, phases of life, new jobs, moving to a new church or city or country even. one day we single next day we might find ourselves planning a wedding or beginning a family. One day we might be a student next thing we are in the working world.

But whatver happens, Smith puts emphisis on the TRANSITION. Tht its not so much the end goal that we should rely on or strive to accomplish but the journey through our transitional phases and chow those transitions mould us into the people we are becoming.

Towards the end of the chapter called "Keep the Faith" Smith says "transitions begin with an ending...Sometimes these endings are messy, sometimes smooth, sometimes terrifying. Often we have to takethose first steps in the predawn darkness"

He closes with this "When the wold is changing , we simply have to fix our eyes on something that never changes."

My new life motto has become this. "you live and you learn".. whether it'slearning from our family, friends, a tragedy, a mistake, an accomplishment, your pastor or a role model... we live and we learn. We never stop learning, we go though change, and the change moulds us and are charachters. We learn from our mistake or learn what works for us and what makes us happy or gives us joy.

peace xxx