I now pronounce you "friendzoned". "Hi five my sibling".

I found myself having some good laughs and debates about the topic of “the friendzone” the other night and so after doing some research decided it was time for a bit of a blog post.

It seems like a pretty black and white thing right, “hey we are friends” …but NO. Sometimes you just have that ‘one’ friend who may mean something more to you but he or she thinks of you as one of their limbs or a brother/sister. Like any disease the Friendzone epidemic hits like no other, quiet, subtle and one-sided and slowly builds up until it takes over, like a bad habitual rash.

Okay so here we have a guy and a girl. They seem like really good friends right, but who likes who? Do they both like each other? Or wait, is the one poor soul just waiting on the other to finally notice that he or she is more than their “bestie”.

I think there are definitely the exceptional friendships where a single guy and girl can be “just friends” over a long period of time, but that’s different. I think in that case both parties just know that there is nothing more than sibling love ;).

Okay so I’ve borrowed a few ideas from numerous articles as well as compiled some of these signs from other friends, both males and females. What I’ve come up with here is a list of telling signs, I’d say if a persona experiences a few of these then well, shame for you. YOU ARE IN THE FRIENDZONE my dear…

So take them or leave them, believe or not. But be warned, be shocked and even take this as advice for future reference haha ;)

You are in the friend zone if…. (I’m just going to say it from a girl’s perspective but it goes for both males and females)

·         They say “you are like a sister to me”

·         They constantly just forget that you are female and call you dude, bro, my man, bra… ALL THE TIME (and okay yes, sometimes this does happen to friends that have this type of chilled friendship, but take it as a hint, If they call you BRO…chances are that man does not think of you as “FUTURE POTENTIAL”

·         He asks you about other girls or …your friends.

·         Forgets about you over long periods of time but then decides to be your best friend when he is bored

·         He just seems way to comfortable (If a guy likes you, surely the initial stages should have a bit of excitement and nerves, certainly not the comfort level of me and my granny)

·         Treats you like you are his mother

·         Asks for relationship advice

·         Excessive texts with lots of  information about himself and what he did in his day

·         Excessive self-disclosure (okay yes ‘getting to know’ each other is good, if you only met and becoming friends or when there is intention from both sides of possibly dating, but sharing your deepest emotions, family dramas or self-challenges with your ‘male’ buddy? ! RED flag, you might be getting the ‘friendzone’ card.)

·         He is willing to bake with you and is not gay

·         Wants you to hang out with his family but introduces you as one of his ‘dearest friends’

·         Only seems to be available when he need something (oh hello “friend-of-convenience-zone”)

·         If the guy says anything to the effect of “we have such a special friendship” or “I’m blessed with you as my close friend”, “You are my best friend”, “we are great buds”…FRIENDZONE

·         He buys you cards, frames, key- rings or magnets with the words “ friends forever on it, or best friends” (… friends forever and always you WILL EVER BE)

·         You can hang out alone, and he never tries a thing (relax, I don’t mean in the dodgy sense, I mean even just like simple flirting, throwing out compliments or trying to get on to the topic of relationships) If you and your bestie can hang out alone come day or night, you are in the friendzone.

·         He only wants to see you in the daytime

·         He feels the urge to fist pump or high five you. (Seriously, if a guy is fist bumping, and high fiving a girl, she might as well be his brother or fishing buddy)

·         If he uses any of the following in text messages

o   Hey buddy, bud, budlet, dude, dudet, mate

o   Hello my sister in Christ

o   Be blessed

o   Take care

o   All the best

o   Bless your soul

o   Hey my sister bud friend

o   Yo bro

o   Yo my man

o   Yo champ

o   Etc…. any of these, you guessed right, you are in the FRIENDZONE.

Now this goes without saying, sometimes it may be that both parties want to be in the friendzone, it is safe, easy, uncomplicated and it may even work for a while. If it works for both, great, go besties go, I wish you all the best with that friendship!! But if it is not working, get out and RUN.

Till next time xxx

10 things a girl can’t live without

(well this girl at least)...

1.       Eye liner. The difference between looking dead or alive

2.       Lip-ice. No-one likes chapped lips, and everyone wants to borrow yours if they don’t have anyway.

3.       A bottle of water. Keeping hydrated is the way forward.

4.       Girlfriends on speed dial, or at least bbm or whatsapp ...so you can share your latest news or if you need to vent at 12am

5.       A dose of retail therapy. Shopaholics unite with smiles and joy.

6.       Ghd. Straightener, you have saved me from many bad hair days.

7.       Gum boots. So we can walk through puddles like a BOSS

8.       A phone. Always the safe thing to stay connected ;)haha

9.       Some spare change. Never know when you just need a mc flurry or a cuppa coffee to make your day happy

10.   Tissues. There is always a need to carry tissues with you, there just is. And no not just to cry or sneeze.

xxx

A thought on CHANGE "We live and we learn"

So im busy reading an amazing book at the moment by Martin Smith. Wow a man of much wisdom.

He talks alot about CHANGE.

"Not in his goals but in his transitions man is great." - Ralph  W. Emerson

Smith reckons that CHANGE is the nature of contemorary life and that it is these 'transitional phases' that man goes through that proves his identity and charachter. good word.

We often meet people who say "yes i love change" or on the contrary we get others that say "I hate change, I love routine and order".

Truth be told, change is inevitable. Seasons come and go, and as people we CHANGE, and things change, are friendship groups change, our circumstances, phases of life, new jobs, moving to a new church or city or country even. one day we single next day we might find ourselves planning a wedding or beginning a family. One day we might be a student next thing we are in the working world.

But whatver happens, Smith puts emphisis on the TRANSITION. Tht its not so much the end goal that we should rely on or strive to accomplish but the journey through our transitional phases and chow those transitions mould us into the people we are becoming.

Towards the end of the chapter called "Keep the Faith" Smith says "transitions begin with an ending...Sometimes these endings are messy, sometimes smooth, sometimes terrifying. Often we have to takethose first steps in the predawn darkness"

He closes with this "When the wold is changing , we simply have to fix our eyes on something that never changes."

My new life motto has become this. "you live and you learn".. whether it'slearning from our family, friends, a tragedy, a mistake, an accomplishment, your pastor or a role model... we live and we learn. We never stop learning, we go though change, and the change moulds us and are charachters. We learn from our mistake or learn what works for us and what makes us happy or gives us joy.

peace xxx

the start to my morning...the use of time...wasted or useful?

The funny random pictures that made me chuckle this morning :)...they have utterly nothing to do with this post....

So its midweek, little saturday as they call it ;)

My thought for the day? is what do people do with their spare time? Ive always been the type of person who is just busy, ALL THE TIME. and no this is not always a good thing. Ever since I was in high school Ive always just channelled my spare time into doing 'stuff'.

 If I think of a typical week, I cant say I ever have one free night a week, or on a weekend there always seems to be some event, some birthday, wedding, engagement, baby shower,some band gig, some church function,a show or music concert perhaps or family affair, public holiday feasting or if not that by the end of the week you just need your social tanks to be filled so you force yourself to get out the house as apposed to sleeping or resting. As the quote goes, "sleep when you dead" right?

When I got to varisty in first year I was so shocked to find most of my classmates, had no hobbies or anything to do beside university. really wow?? I couldnt comprehend having that much time. But then again, maybe in little ways I would quietly envy the fact that they had so much time, I often wonder, how did I become this busy? hmmm think it's time to do some clean up and priority checks. I think I need some more me time ;)

After this year, I totally give respect to working people and will never tune them for why they want to have an 'early night' anymore.. haha I learnt the hard way.

Peace xx

the stepping stones

So been a while since I've blogged.

Past two weeks have been madness, but you learn and you live. So this is what has been some of my learning curbs...

1. the body loves sleep and rest, dont deprive it. It will show you who is BOSS and give up on you. Yes after a week of disturbed sleep and pulling all-nighters due to honours I came out after this weekedn, sick, tired and sincerly OVER everything haha! Lesson learned.

2. the next time I think im dreaming of the rain I WILL WAKE UP. So my drama for the week came at 230am on Tuesday morning... I thought I was dreaming of being in water and hearing the rain, but in reality, my room was flooding. Yes, indeed the geyser had burst and my room was no filling up with water. 5 days later, here I am, currently living on the floor in my study with 'stuff'. Room is bare and waiting for new paint, new carpets, new curtains, new bed, furniture. well that was eventful.

3. When life gets overwelming. STOP.

Theres a difference between being busy and being overwelmed. this past week, I dont think ive ever felt so stressed. Ever felt that everyone wants a piece of you, but they all have so many of their own issues that you feel like you cant share yours? well yes. ta da ;)

Its all about the mind at the end of the day. So when life hands you lemons and you have no evergy to whip up some lemonade, all I could do was sit back and stop. Just stop. stop. pause and reflect.

4. When your world is spinning. Pray :) the message lasnight at our church really hit home.

Life is all bout what we make of it, we choose to see things, to say things, to think things and to DO things. We need to constantly renew our mindsets to not be drowned out by the mess and drama of the world. Why are we always striving? what if the things we are contstantly striving for just never came. we need to find peace and contentment.

5. Remind yourself that lifes a journey not a race and you must always have the bigger picture in mind.

Keep it real xxx

When its cold and im uninspired to work. bleh

The net does wonderful things for my life when I'm feeling cold and flu-ish...

Procrastination has hit home once again ladies and gents.
I dont know why, maybe its just me but these are a list of the things I tend to WANT to do whilst in procratination mode.

1. Hit a solid facebook sesh (easy wastes an hour)
2. Find some funny ecards on tumblr and laugh by yourself
3. Paint my nails
4. clean my cupbords
5. have the urgancy to write a song or play an instrument
6. watch some series
7. make a 'to do list'
8. day dream about weekend plans
9. Make my files neat and tidy
10. highlight stuff...anything..notes, my diary
11. have a legit nap
12. Clean and straigten my hair for no reason at all
13. Want to go shopping
14. feel the need to bake or cook
15. feel the need to send message to friends you havent seen in a while
16. Go to gym

So basically, moral of the story, when one procrastinates it turns me into a OTT hygenic neat freak, with an obssion to be girly and domesticated and fit?

Funny what the brain does.

Thought of the day

Till next time xx

It’s the difference that counts.

Living in a world where we always running to find the new adventure, meeting new people, working hard to reach your goals, running in circles, living life, having your ups and downs, fun and sadness in between. Ever wanted to just stop?

So after just doing more and more…it would be always wise to step back and take a break. It is not so much doing everything but how we do the things we do.

Do we do the things we do because we feel obligated or because we couldn’t think of life without them? What if everything we had to do disappeared, our schedules, work, study, play, duties.

My pastor said last Sunday that “it is not what makes us happy but where you find it that makes us happy.”

“Happiness is a relative thing based on what we have and don’t have” It’s short lived and runs out. So what then? Why is the world so hell bent on having a pursuit of happiness?

The truth is that we need to recognise what it is that we need. And this is what it is…JOY.

Joy is not limited to anything; it’s being content with your life, in the good times and the bad.

Joy is not just limited to laughter or happiness, it’s worth more than a fun weekend or road trip. It is our desire to live our dreams, it is our passion to try new things, and it is our will to live healthily. It is the delight we take in doing things that make us smile, or the people who make our hearts happy

So it’s the difference that counts, the difference between happiness and Joy. Where do people find their Joy?

The fact is that Happiness is often found in the external, the outside, the world that keeps on striving for more. But what if we just stopped and found a place of peace and rest RIGHT where we are at right now.

The revelation that there is no need to strive is amazing once we realize that the Joy we are looking for does not comes from us mere beings, but from the One that gave us breath, the One that gave us the will to pursue happiness, the One that planted the desire in our hearts to want things and do things.

Happiness comes from the world. But JOY comes from a relationship with God.

Simplicity at its best ;)

Much love xxx

*verse for the week:

Nehemiah 8:10 (NLT)

And Nehemiah continued, “Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared. This is a sacred day before our Lord. Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.